Jon Chopan
AN EXAMINATION OF THE TEXT AS IT PERTAINS TO THE DIVORCE AND SUBSEQUENT ROMANCE BETWEEN CHARACTERS XX AND XY
Rabid
……….Which is the only way to describe XY’s love, even now, when XX is gone, when she is off and out in the world like a storm front, 1–150.
Raccoon, 51.
Race, 52.
Racket
……….The way XY and XX pretend that they are not in love, 54–55.
……….Or, the ways they are:
……….……….Late at night, with XX’s new lover gone
……….……….Talking for hours, arguing, crying, laughing about why XY is no good for XX or how XX is still wonderful and crazy
……….……….And sometimes just listening to one another breathe, imagining that they are lying there, pressed back to back because they sleep in opposite directions
……….……….And XX saying to XY “snuggle back,” meaning get close, meaning let me feel the heat in your shoulders and press your head to mine, 1–150.
……….See Also: Randy, 2–149.
Radiant, 12.
Rage, 78, 90, 100–103, 141.
Rainy Day Fund
……….And the postcard XX sent XY, reading:
………………..“Meet me in Vegas! I’ll wear my best pair of cut-offs and cash in my rainy day fund.
………………..I’ll treat you real good. Don’t say no, Ruthie,” 45.
……….As preparation for:
……….……….The undesirable, 1.
……….……….The unexpected, 1.
……….……….The worst, 1.
Randy
……….One of those words XY would use in bed. And XX would smile or laugh or call him “a goof.” Like when XY would stand there after sex, still erect, and declare himself “Boner Boy!” while striking a Superman pose, 2–149.
Ran
……….As form of confusion
……….As form of love,
……….As means of escape
……….As miscommunication
……….XY, from
……….……….Responsibility, 1–148.
……….……….Love, 1–120.
……….……….Monsters, 1–150.
……….XX, from
……….……….What is “hard,” 1–148.
……….……….Love, 1–120.
……….……….Horror Movies, 1–150.
……….How XX and XY inflict injury, Afterward.
Ravenous,
……….The way XX loved XY, Preface, 1–150, Appendix, Afterward.
……….Which can be a form of failure, Preface.
Raze
- to level to the ground, demolish, 1–120.
- to scrap or shave off, 0.
- to erase, 0.
Reading
……….Letters mailed from XX to XY in which she mentions missing the way he smells, and his woody the woodpecker laugh, and maybe even sometimes his jokes, 21.
Readjust, 20–120.
Realized that
……….XY misses
……….……….XX’s hands, 21–120.
……….……….The way XX’s body is so hot all the time, like a furnace, like when she rolls over and says “You’re so sweaty,” and he says “You’re making me sweaty,” 12.
……….XX may never come back, 119.
……….See Also: Regrets, 1–150.
Rear end
……….XY’s favorite part, if pressed on the issue, 13, 21, 34–39, 60–113.
Reasons
……….For XY to love XX:
……….……….Her hands, 1–20, 48–78, 130–150.
……….……….Her writing, 1–150.
……….……….Her tattoos, 1–150.
……….……….And, let’s be honest, she is beautiful, Preface, 1–150, Appendix, Afterward.
……….For XX to love XY:
……….……….He loves her, 1–150, Afterward.
……….……….He won’t stop chasing after her, 10–150, Afterward.
……….……….They have a kind of language, 1–150.
……….……….And let’s be honest, he is (in the right light) boyishly handsome, 13.
Reckless
……….The way XX could be, 1–12, 14, 20–80, 100, 149.
Red lipstick
……….XX wore to kiss XY on the cheek, marking him as hers, so that everyone at the party would know, 11.
……….That XY wore with pride, 11–12.
Regrets
……….Which XY refuses to acknowledge, any more than he just has, because it was obvious that he’d pick this word. But he will say,
……….SEE ALSO: the index.
Regulation, 1–20.
Relapse,
- to fall or slide back into a former state
- to regress after partial recovery from illness
- to slip back into bad ways; backslide
Rendezvous
……….In the:
……….……….Women’s room, 10.
……….……….Backseat of the car, 12.
……….……….Street, XX singing “Why don’t we do it in the road,” 12–13.
……….On the:
……….……….Coffee table, which was not as good as they had hoped, 8.
……….……….Dining Room Table, which was a kind of accident, but was much better than expected, 9.
……….……….Floor, 13–15.
Respect
……….Self, and how XY will eventually have to walk away, how he cannot wait forever, if only because XX won’t love him anymore, 1–120.
Response
……….As way to avoid issues, 20–40.
……….As honest lie? 10–50.
……….As means of saying goodbye, 1–10.
……….As sign that there is still love, 10–150.
……….By XX to XY when he begs, pleads, professes his love:
……….……….“You know, fifty percent of these fail anyhow. If that’s not a classic case of the odds working themselves out then I don’t know what is,” 51.
Restricted
……….By the miles between them, by the “fling” they are having, which is what XY tells people to seem
……….……….In control
……….……….Well adjusted
……….……….Over it
Rhythm
……….And the note XX left in XY’s pocket reading: “You really had the rhythm last night,” 71.
Ribs
……….Where XX would press her fingers, tracing, saying to XY “You’re so skinny,” 1–20.
Riddle
……….As means of communication
……….As constructed confusion
……….As last line of defense
……….That XX put to XY:
………………..“What is better than one orgasm?”
……….……….-PAUSE-
……….……….“Two!” 12.
Ridiculous
……….How XX gets jealous when XY goes out with other women even though she has a new boyfriend, 71, 90, 110–113, 115, 117, 119.
……….How XY makes fun of XX’s new boyfriend, calling him “Wolverine” because his hands are hairy, and “Bricks” because he likes to think the man a moron, and using other inside jokes (see Tobias from Arrested Development or Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords, shows they used to.watch and love) to belittle this man who has never done anything to XY other than step in to fill the void, 1–120.
Ripple Effect
……….How XX’s poems and letters make XY miss her, think of her light blue eyes and how that reminds him of home and lake Ontario and all the winter weather coming off it and that no matter how cold it is XX is always XY’s center, his solution for sadness and regret.
Risk
……….As leap of faith, 1–150.
……….As form of love, 1–150.
……….As starting point, 1.
……….……….Taken by XY
……….……….……….Giving his heart to XX, 1.
……….………………..Writing this index, Afterward.
……….……….Taken by XX
……….……….……….Giving her heart to XY, 1.
……….……….……….Keeping XY close, 20–120.
See Also: Responsibility, 20–80.
See Also: Rub, 41–61.
Roguish
The way XY says to XX: “I’d rip out my kidneys and live off dialysis to have you back,” 24.
Romantic
……….The notion that XY can win XX back, 20–150.
……….The feeling that XX is coming back, 20–150.
……….The idea that two people are meant for one another, 1–150.
Romanticism, 1.
Romanticize, 1–150.
Romp
As sexual innuendo used by XX after their first time: “Now that was a great romp.”
Rub
……….To stimulate, 8.
……….To comfort, 13, 25, 67–69.
……….To make warm, 1–150.
……….Creates
……….……….Friction, 1, 5, 8, 10–19, 24, 29, 31–51, 71, 80–90, 130–150.
……….……….Erection, 1, 5, 8, 10–19, 24, 29, 31–51, 71, 80–90, 130–150.
……….……….Contemplation, 1.
Rumba
……….Danced spontaneously in the kitchen to the Beatles, which was awkward but memorable, 21.
Run
……….XY, to:
……….……….Booze, 20, 34, 54, 67, 70–111.
……….……….Other women, 0.
……….……….Home, 1–150.
……….……….XX, 1–150.
……….XX, to:
……….……….Another man, 20–120.
……….……….Another city, 20–120.
……….……….Home, 0.
……….……….XY, 1–150.
Ruth
……….Also known as:
……….……….Bingo Wing, Preface.
……….……….Gatsby, 1–10.
……….……….Love, 1–150.
……….……….Rabbit, 2.
Ruthless
……….Which is what it feels like when XX says to XY: “I don’t think you will ever forgive me. Which is why I am still with him.” Because it fails to take into account how long XY has loved XX or how he is capable of forgiveness or that, perhaps, all he wants now is to forgive, to apologize, to analyze all his own missteps and say: “I will forgive you if you can forgive me,” 120.
……….Which is what XY intended when he wrote an index for XX, because he wants to win her back, knows that this may mean trading in a little self respect, may mean doing anything, everything, may make things pathetic, vile, distorted, may mean things will be done and/or said that can never be taken back
……….See Also: Romantic, 1–150.
……….See Also: Run, 20–120.
……….See Also: Ruth, 1–150, Appendix, Afterward.
Jon Chopan is an associate professor of creative writing at Eckerd College. He received his BA and MA in American History from SUNY Oswego and his MFA from The Ohio State University. His first collection, Pulled from the River, was published by Black Lawrence Press in 2012. He is the winner of the 2017 Grace Paley Prize for Short Fiction for his second collection, Veterans Crisis Hotline, which was published by the University of Massachusetts Press in October 2018. His work has appeared in Glimmer Train, Hotel Amerika, Post Road, Epiphany, The Southampton Review, and elsewhere.
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