Selected as a 2017 winner for “Best of the Net” by Sundress Press.

mud howard
CLEARING

I…..walked…..alone…..at…..night…..inside…..the…..throbbing…..dome…..of…..men

who…..thought…..I…..was…..a…..man

and…..did…..not…..assault…..me

I…..found…..you.. ..bloated…..and …..glowing….. on …..the….. bed

you…..unscrewed….. my….. nipples….. to …..a …..Janet …..Jackson …..track …..until

a…..pile…..of…..warm …..jewels …..poured….. into …..your …..cupped …..palm

you …..thought….. I….. was …..a …..girl

I …..didn’t….. know….. what …..to …..think

in….. that….. picture….. you …..keep

my….. chest….. is….. a …..ripple …..in….. the….. lake….. of….. my …..shirt

I …..am …..a …..human….. animal …..covered …..in …..red …..marks….. of …..shame

on …..the …..beach …..everyone …..is….. in …..their …..bodies

july …..is….. on …..fire

I …..am …..leaving

so …..many …..important …..people …..behind….. me

I…..release….. you …..from …..forgiveness

I …..watch …..your …..name…..light….. up …..blue

on…..the….. box …..in….. my …..pocket …..you …..know

how …..a …..person …..can …..be …..changed

it’s…..not….. the….. same …..as …..changing

mud howard is a non-binary trans poet from the states. mud is co-editor of the blackout queer zine project pnk prl & a youth fellow for Transfaith. they write about queer intimacy, interior worlds and the cosmic joke of the gender binary. they are currently enrolled in a Creative Writing MA, but for now you can find more of their work at www.mudhoward.com.

Read more from Cleaver Magazine’s Issue #18.