Beth Broome
RECIPE FOR VIABLE ZYGOTES
Start out with a blood test.
Inject ten units of leuprolide acetate.
Repeat process for approximately seven to thirteen days.
Return to office for blood test.
Decrease leuprolide acetate to five units.
Avoid alcohol.
Meditate.
Inject seventy-five IU of gonadotropins (to stimulate follicular development).
Repeat process for ten days.
Drink Gatorade.
Quit aerobics.
Inject five thousand units of human chorionic gonadotropin (refrigerate if it has been pre-mixed).
Go to bed early.
Fornicate.
Return to office for blood test.
Abstain from intercourse.
Dress nicely.
Smile at work.
Crack sixteen eggs. Set aside in small dish.
Combine with one tablespoon male seed, thoroughly washed.
Blend, mix, allow to macerate.
Select a couple ripe embryos.
Pour into pie plate.
Season with salts and nutrients.
Add Doxycycline and progesterone (store at room temperature) and let rest.
Do not skip, bounce, or fret.
Visualize good things.
Return to office for blood test.
Cook, cool, pray.
2 servings.
New York–based journalist Beth Broome is the former managing editor of Architectural Record and The New York Observer and has written extensively about architecture, design, and urbanism, as well as culture and society. In another life, she studied poetry with Frank Lima and Eileen Myles. She recently decided to try her hand at other forms of creative writing. This is her first published work of flash nonfiction.
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